adoption? Is this what God is calling us to?

  Jon and i went to an adoption meeting to learn about the different types of adoption and finances.  It is really reassuring that financially it seems possible (which was Jons concern...like most men).
  For those of you that don't know this about me i have always felt God calling me and my family to adoption at some point.  After Jon and i got married we were trying to get pregnant for almost a year....by almost i mean i had an apt with an infertility Dr but the week before my apt i found out i was pregnant. But during that process i was looking into foster to adopt classes. At that time Jon didn't feel called to adoption (most men arent) but then got pregnant and was put on the back burner.
   which leads us to today.....what is God calling us to do? We feel financially, foster to adopt is our best choice right now and there is so much need for homes right now for children in our own states. So the other day someone placed a thought in my heart about a child with HIV....i know at some point God is wanting us to have a child with special needs just not sure what or when. I brought it up to Jon thinking he would freak out on me and say stuff like how can we afford medical bills, how can we handle a child that could die before we do, can we handle another child especially special needs, would Titus be neglected.......but instead he says "God places children in peoples lives for a reason"...... EXCUSE ME! what did you just say to me!.....i couldn't even talk the rest of the way home because i started to freak out....(. that's the funny thing about Jon and i there is always one person who freaks out) (the realistic person)....i then started thinking.....Can we handle another child? how can we afford this? am i going to be a good mother to 2 children? how would we  pay for insurance (since JOn and i own our own businesses)....would i be able to keep my new business going?.... the freaking out list keeps going!!!!! so i called a friend and said help me stop freaking out.....She states remember God will provide.....and that we need to focus on where he is leading us and what is financially smart but also if i were to get pregnant i wouldn't say "im not ready to have a baby right now" then my answer to adoption is im ready when ever you are God cuz thats what i would say if i were pregnant!!
    Im doing my research and asking alot of questions to familys who have adopted before and with special needs.
     Prayers from you guys if God is really calling us in this direction in this time in our lives. PRAYERS PRAYERS PRAYERS PLEASE!  

what women fear

     Our bible study is reading a book called What Women Fear by Angie Smith. Its so interesting to know other women feel the same way about thing that i thought no one else thought or did!!! We are not alone!
      What do i fear......
 I fear Im going to fail my family as a wife and mom, fail cooking, fail all my clients and not have a successful salon, fail my friends, fail writing my blog, fail talking to old friends, FAIL FAIL FAIL.......with my temperament i hate doing things i know i can't do perfect........So where does that get me......NO WHERE! Im so blessed that i have a faith and trust in Jesus (i need to work on the Trust more) and if i wouldn't have had a faith i wouldn't have gotten over some of those fears....like being a high school youth minister for 5 years, went to mexico, Yugoslavia, and Lima Peru on mission trips, i wouldn't have met Jon, opened my own salon and the list can go on and on and on!
   So i guess when i hear the word fear in my head and heart and think i need to check myself and say is this fear that satin is hanging onto me with.......Because when there is fear that means God is calling you to something bigger and better and satin is trying to stop it! Because that's really the only way he can touch us, is fear! If that doesn't make you mad having satin hang onto your big toe with fear that i don't know how you can get rid of him....cuz when i get anger that is the only way i can get over my fear!
    Our fears start when we are younger! Every little embarrassing, hurtful thing that happened to us growing up. So to make a long story short even thou i still fear a lot i need to rethink and pray about whats stopping me from  going ahead and not being perfect!!
   So what are you fearing? what is God calling you to do?

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