alone

  how can you feel alone when you are surrounded by people? Do you ever feel like know one understands? Why is it that every time i try and cook it never turns out? Why do i get so over whelmed sometimes (it feels a lot more, then it use to)? Why when i want to share my feelings no one is around to listen? why is it that if you say something that makes me angry (during my period) i might punch you!? why is it that i can cry at the drop of a hat or if something really happy happens i want to cry? Why do compare myself to other moms? why can't i find time to work out or blog any more? My house is always a mess and their is always something to be done or cleaned but all i feel is tired and over worked! i feel like dishes and laundry are never ending!
   Does any one else feel this way?? i have such a hard time since my personality and temperament is organized, scheduled, controlled, and now i feel like its the opposite!
    How can you be a single parent....I can't be one!!! It's hard enough when Jon gets up for work before we do and comes home late and i try so hard to make this home look put together....but really how can that happen with a 1 year old who thinks he should climb and knock over everything! and a dog that brings dirt and gross dog smells in with her and thinks that Titus's was only born to play with her. and now we are cooking A LOT more now, so that means dishes seem to ALWAYS need to be cleaned! (have i mentioned that dishes are my hate to do!!!)
    Enough of the negative and onto the positive I have a ONE YEAR OLD!!!! Crazy!!!! He is so big!!! everyday is always something new, he says so many words (but never on command), he can say: Jesus, Sedona, Dad, Papa (grandpa), Ga (grandma), ni ni (night night),bye bye, Hi Dad, Sedona SIT (i don't say that, that offten?!), cat, dog, juwa (julia..our nanny), mom (very rare occasion). He loves to dance, make boy noises, spit, throw his chairs on the floor (yes throw!), loves books, love to cuddle, likes to put his finger on your lips to make that funny noise, does a lot of baby signs but when he gets really excited he combines all the baby signs into one until you give him what he wants :) so cute! He makes Thee most ridiculous faces (like his father), oh yeah have i mentioned he is ALL BOY.....he even will squeeze his orange pieces and make a mean boy noise while doing it or that he grunts when he is trying to squeeze between two things that are in his way! He still thinks that EVERYTHING goes in his mouth.
    PRAYERS, that i can get my thyroid tested soon, God leads Jon and i to figure out if we should adopt or keep waiting, that Titus stops growing up :) That i can keep growing my business (so please send your friends!) That i can keep having enough courage to cook and change our eating habits to better our health, and that Jon keeps having amazing job opportunity!
    what can i pray for you about? it seems that i do better with my prayer life if i am praying for someone else!